Favorite Quotes from...

Miranda (Sex and the city)

Miranda: I know you're probably busy having mind-blowing sex, but I feel you need to know that your good friend, Miranda Hobbes, has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You'll probably need this information when you check me into the "Betty Crocker Clinic."

Miranda: Do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend or maybe a houseplant I could go to dinner with on Saturday night?

Miranda: Okay, I'm definitely in the slow sexual group if even Charlotte is open to this.

Miranda: Soul mates only exist in the Hallmark aisle of Duane Reade Drugs.

Miranda: I made him cry. No, first I yelled at him - I yelled at my friend the cancer patient - then I made him cry.

Miranda: I used to masturbate to a busboy who was rude to me once. What do you think that means? All right. The cheese stands alone.

Miranda: Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.

Miranda: Women don't care. We care about nice arms, great eyes, a big dick... I've never once heard a woman say: "He had such a big full scrotum."

Miranda: I'm fine... but Charlotte, maybe your "hmmm hmmm" would like an order of fries?

Miranda: I don't want a boyfriend who does that. It's never ok to do that. Wait your turn, shut the door, do your business.

Miranda: I just got Brady to sleep.
Dr. Robert Leeds: Do you sing to him?
Miranda: Only if he's been bad.

Miranda: I once was broken up with by a guy's doorman: "I'm sorry, Ms. Hobbes, Jonathan won't be coming down. Ever."

Miranda: I'm dating skid-marks guy. When your boyfriend is so comfortable that he cannot be bothered to wipe his ass, there's a problem.

Miranda: Baptism is a very odd tradition. It's all about cleansing this little baby of its sins, when clearly babies come into the world with a clean slate and we're the ones who fuck 'em up.
Carrie: So you're a pessimist, right?
Miranda: Have we met?

Miranda: Do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend or maybe a houseplant I could go to dinner with on Saturday night?

Miranda : Whatever happened to aging gracefully?
Carrie: It got old.

Miranda: 'After years of odd men, God is throwing me a bone.'

Miranda: When did all the men get together and decide that they were only going to get it up for giraffes with big breasts?

Miranda: Wow! A guy who doesn't want to get married! Film at eleven!

Miranda: Maybe it's maturity or the wisdom that comes with age, but the witch in Hansel and Gretel—she's very misunderstood. I mean, the woman builds her dream house and these brats come along and start eating it.

Miranda: How did it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? It's like seventh grade with bank accounts.

Miranda: Sex is not a time to chat. In fact, it's one of the few instances in my overly articulated, exceedingly verbal life where it is perfectly appropriate—if not preferrable—to shut up. And now suddenly I have to worry about being stumped for conversation? No thank you.

Miranda: I'm a biological underachiever. And it's ironic because that ovary went to Harvard!

Miranda, about her divorced boyfriend: I don't wear vintage clothes. I hate flea markets. I don't collect antiques. Is it too much to ask that he not be... I don't know... used?

Miranda: Perineum. Latin for "not without an engagement ring."

Miranda, to Carrie, who's listening to an answering machine message from Big: We could analyze this for years and never know, I mean, they still don't know who killed Kennedy.

Miranda: Maybe it's time that I stop being so angry.
Carrie: Yeah, but what would you do with all your free time?

Miranda, on being stood up on a first date: He doesn't even know me. The least he could do is wait to get to know me before he rejects me.

Miranda: Today's the babynurse's last day. From now on you'll have to book me a year in advance.

Charlotte: What kind of diet book are you looking for?
Miranda: I don't know. Something with a title like How to Lose That Baby Fat by Sitting On Your Ass.

Miranda: No, he's not sick. He's not hungry, he's not teething, he just wants to scream. I'm doing everything I can but I can't please him. If he was 35 this is when we would break up.

Miranda: This thirteen pound meatloaf is pushing me over the edge!

Miranda: I said no white, no ivory, no nothing that says virgin. I have a child. The jig is up.

Miranda: I'm in the woods in my negligee and my cell phone only has two bars left. HELP!

Miranda: Last night Steve and I held hands for an hour and a half watching... the fire. He was looking into my eyes; I was looking for the remote.

Miranda: Oh my God... I'm married.